Cops Pulling You Over = BAD

I don't care if they ARE doing it to give me a $5 Starbucks card for being a good citizen-- I'm still going to FREAK OUT!

And I Don't Think a Double Shot Cappuchino Will Help at: marcyjoybryan@gmail.com

Better Late Than Never

It's official: There is now room at the Inn*

*If it's a TravelLodge in London and your names are Joseph and Mary.

Favorite quote: "The 'gift' of a free night's stay is to make up for the hotel industry not having any rooms left on Christmas Eve over 2000 years ago when the original 'Mary and Joseph' had to settle for the night in a stable."

Why Not? It's PR at: marcyjoybryan@gmail.com

I'm Not Sure About This...

Queen's "We Will Rock You" + "Theme to Rocky" + Scottish Bagpipes = AWESOME!

Here's a shorter version.

I'm Scottish Which Explains Why I Like It at: marcyjoybryan@gmail.com

This Can't End Well...

You've got to see this adorable baby who can give an evil eye.

I can't wait to see what he'll do when he reaches the terrible twos.

Taking Bets at: marcyjoybryan@gmail.com

Some Classic Rock

"Sweet Home Alabama" as performed by Leningrad Cowboys & Red Army Choir.

These cold-war bubba's can ROCK!

If Only They'd Do "Stairway to Heaven" at: marcyjoybryan@gmail.com

This Guy is Making a Living Blending

Things. Lots of things.

Like an iPhone.

No, really.

Check it out.

I Want to Be a Wacko for Dollars at marcyjoybryan@gmail.com

There is Something Hysterically Disturbing

About This.

I Particularly Gagged Over Ireland at: marcyjoybryan@gmail.com

JUST in Time for Christmas

Secure your place in Heaven by purchasing a spot.

It's Not Commercialism, it's Eternal Entrepreneurism at: marcyjoybryan@gmail.com

It's Not Just Radio--It's LIVE, CALL-IN Radio!

Let’s try something new. Since life is full of hills and valleys, highs and lows, ups and downs—the ying and yang as it were—(I never could figure out what a panda has to do with it all but I’m not a philosopher)—this report will be “panda-ized,” a word that here shall mean “looking at the stressful circumstances and the wonderful moments God has in each of them because I can’t think of any other why which doesn’t sound whiney.”

Stress: Tried to get Megh’s Science and Math in an “Independent-of-Me” do-able position before the interview. Lost track of time.

God’s Kindness (GK): I only had to go next door. Had computer and notes ready to go…so I zipped right over.

Stress: Tried to get in through the front door, which, I found out was dead-bolted. Set my stuff down to run to the back door.

GK: The cell phone rang and my hands were free to find and answer it. It was the radio station and the host wanted to tell me how excited she was about the interview (her program manager acted quite surprised about her wanting to chat).

Stress: The deadbolt was locked on the inside with a key, which meant I had to run downstairs and out of the back door and around to the front to gather my stuff then back around to the backdoor and up the steps into the kitchen.

GK: I laughed about it all. Even when I took a wrong turn trying to exit the house and ended up in the laundry room.

Stress: They didn’t call. And they didn’t call. And they didn’t call. The call finally comes in at 11:05 (I thought I would be “on hold” before 11 and then “on the air” at 11 o’clock sharp because I don’t know how live radio works).

GK: The extra time gave me moments to run through my notes (which I hadn’t done because of the aforementioned Science/Math quest) and even write some new thoughts that Nancy (we’re BFFs now, you know) suggested.

Stress: I don’t know how I missed this—The Nancy Turner show is a CALL-IN TALK SHOW, which is significant in that LISTENERS—WHO YOU CAN’T CONTROL—CALL IN.

GK: Looking back through the emails with Joni, the Fabbo Publicist, all of the hints were there (a.k.a. this direct quote: “It is a live, one-hour show and is often a call in show.” And this one: “…but if they get going with listener calls it might go to 50 minutes.”) But I missed them (or God covered them)…so I walked into that situation blind but less stressed out than I could have been.

The interview was challenging…sharing the mic with callers added a weird, almost-but-not-quite-threatening crap-shoot of a feel. But BFF Nancy handled them all REALLY well. I helped by yammering like my life depended on it.

Joni had given WMBI 4 copies of “Scared Silly” to GIVE AWAY so I felt like Santa—in that I had nothing to do with the actual products or event except be jolly and act like I did.

And here’s the largest God’s Kindess part: THEY’VE ASKED ME BACK! And they VOTED ON THE AIR!! Which made me feel like a contestant on “Survivor” or “Do You Have Talent?” or some other fake reality show.

And I must say I was honored by their response…until I hung up. And then it hit me. “Snap! She said, ‘We’ll have you back,’ didn’t she? That means…Oh…stink! Where did those Nacho Cheese Doritos and Oreos go?”

Next stop: Ten Minutes of TV on Friday!

Mainlining Diet Coke and Cheetos at: marcyjoybryan@gmail.con

Another Whinefest...But For Good Reason

In the future everyone will be famous for fifteen minutes.”

~ Andy Warhol

I’ve lost my mind

I’m back on the couch, in my Ready! For! Anything! fetal position and for good reason: it’s December! I’m kidding, of course. The final month of the year isn’t stressful in any way with Christmas and all of its overt commercialization, expectations, and Martha Stewart trappings, final school projects and tests, Christmas cards that need writing, packages that need sending, and loans that need getting in order to afford all of the postage. Oh no, all of this is no stress for me! So I’ve decided to give this December some added Zip and Zest in the way of shameless pimpage for “Scared Silly.” Nothing else going on, right? I might as well…

Let me just SCCCCCRRRRREEEEEAAAAAMMMMMM!!!!! And suck my thumb! Because, in the next two weeks I’ll be doing 3 days of book signings, an hour-long radio interview, AND a TV interview—I’ve already done interviews/ “visits” with a newspaper and a magazine both of which should break around mid-month here in L’ville. AND an initial contact has been made with the local Louisville rag as well.

But here’s the thing about all but one of these stress-inducing moments.

I did them to myself.

No, really.

I actually called the Today’s Woman magazine (a local business/women’s interest mag), the Louisville Courier-Journal (the local paper), our favorite reporter for the Southeast Outlook (our church newspaper), the church bookstore --and here is the part the proves I’ve lost my mind— a local Barnes and Noble (to set up a book-signing), AND WHAS TV.

Why did I do such a thing, you may ask? Was I feverish from the recent flu that tore through our home? Insane from watching a “Spongebob Squarepants” marathon? Overcome with L-tryptophan courtesy of the Thanksgiving Turkey? Simply Pre-menstral? High on Elmer’s glue fumes from homeschooling?

I wish I knew.

But the schedule’s been set and I’m writing to yet again ask for your prayers.

The first is an hour-long interview with WMBI in Chicago, which, I understand is the radio station for Moody Bible Institute. You can see their website at: http://www.mbn.org/GenMoody/default.asp?SectionID=CD6A8113F7BA4EEC9DB4C2B609F01098

And I must say I’m impressed with them if for nothing else than their tagline: “Think Biblically, Live Christianly, Serve Effectively, and Evangelize Consistently.” As one who is known to make up words often, I think anyone directly connected to an institute of higher learning and who can say “Christianly” as part of their mission statement is OK in my book.

But, in case you missed the casualness with which the interview was previously reported, IT’S GOING TO BE AN HOUR LONG! WHAT AM I GOING TO TALK ABOUT FOR A WHOLE STINKIN’ HOUR? And, equally concerning, how will I keep my four brain cells working for sixty whole minutes (3600 seconds)…together…and make FULL sentences with (mostly) REAL words?

That will be this Tuesday, December 4, at noon, my time (I think). You can actually see me on the schedule at: http://www.mbn.org/GenMoody/default.asp?sectionID=030885ADA60845D29273610F87CE6D96 Gaaack.

On Friday, I’ll be on WHAS TV. I believe it’ll be the last 15 minutes of their noon show. Fortunately, 15 minutes really just allows a person to be introduced and answer 1 question, so I might be OK there. Unfortunately, being on TV means that the person being interview is also being seen and this is rather stressful because I won’t be able to participate in my typical nervous mannerisms like wearing sweats, going barefoot, wiggling my leg, twisting my hair, or picking my nose. (JUST KIDDING! I never twist my hair when I’m nervous, it’s gross.) Meghan said she’ll help me pick out my outfit (I think that’s a good thing) and she’ll even come with me to cheer me on. I’m betting they’ll take one look at her and I’ll be out on the street while she becomes the next Adorable Bratty Celeb—OK maybe that’s wishful thinking on me getting out of the interview…but still.

At least I was able to spend some time—and a small fortune (“fortune” here means anything over the $15 hair color kit I used to buy at Wal-mart on sale)—with my hair guy named Stephen so my tresses look like they were all dressed by the same person, instead of the lower half by Dillard’s and the upper half by K-Mart. Well, perhaps not Dillard’s…but for sure Target.

Now If only they would airbrush people on live TV…

The next day, on Saturday (December 8^th), my first real book signing happens at a real bookstore. For one torturous hour (from 2 to 3p) I’ll be at the Barnes and Noble in a shopping area called The Summit—an upscale outdoor mall-ish place. Why someplace with such style would let me do a reading and a signing in an upscale area like the Summit is beyond me. I’ve not yet met Denise, the Scheduler of the B&N Signings there, which might have something to do with it.

The following weekend (the 15^th and 16^th) my friends Ruth and Sara plan to have an article and a review in the church newspaper which will accompany book-signing times at the church’s bookstore. Sara is not only an excellent reviewer, she is manager of The Living Word bookstore at Southeast and she promises to have a stash of Diet Coke for me to chug during the three hours or so (broken up around the three services, thankfully) of trying to be interesting as I sit…not unlike a poorly cooked turkey…waiting to see if someone wants to talk to me.

Much of this activity is a direct result of my Uber Connected Friend Debra who knows who to call and what to say. It is to her awesomeness that I’m indebted. Wait! A! Minute! Now that I think about it, I guess you could say that all of this is her fault. Yeah! I’m a victim! That’s what I am! Where’s Oprah!?

Anyway I’m still on the couch, curled up in a ball and I’ve taken up enough of your precious time. Thank you for letting me freak a bit. And thanks for your prayers. I know everything will go fine—or maybe it won’t. But I’m trusting God a bit better and that means that whatever happens, it’ll be OK and Another Adventure in this Crazy Chapter of Life. At the very least it’ll be another reason to whine to you via this wonderful medium of postage-free virtualness called email.

Thank You and Good Night at: marcyjoybryan@gmail.com

I Probably Don't Have This Disorder

But it sounds useful.

Key Headline: "You're not ugly, it's just your brain."

Or Maybe It's Your Cheapo Mirror at: marcyjoybryan@gmail.com