"THEY" have arrived!

Many thanks for your book; I shall lose no time reading it.

~Benjamin Disraeli

Today was a Red Letter Day, a Day of Anticipation and Celebration because we not only Got! Mail! We! Got! Package! as well. And, as if one wasn’t enough, three bundles graced my door stoop. The first was the obligatory replacement satellite receiver from Dish Network (Motto: “Happily working unless there is weather then we freeze up like [fill in your favorite “frigid” simile here]). Apparently, during the last storm, some rogue electrons escaped from a nearby lightening strike and tried to abnormally “energize” my receiver. This caused the receiver to become fickle and moody so it’ll only “power up” when it “feels like it” and won’t play recorded programs at all. “I’m tired,” it seems to say as it clicks and grinds through its startup mode. “I guess you can watch Spongebob now but I just don’t have the energy to pull up the new Feasting on Asphalt that you recorded last week. Sorry. …Whirr…Spin…Reboot.” Maybe I should pour some Rockstar Energy Drink into its circuits (Motto: Who needs drugs? We whack you out legally!). Our Adopted Movie Son Harrison (more about him later) turned us on to it, and although I’ve not had the nerve to actually try some, Meghan said it was quite good. Actually I think it went more like: “WOWITSKINDOFLEMONYBUTBOY!DOIFEELFULLOFENERGYANDEXCITEMENTANDMAYBEI’MSEEINGTHINGSORITCOULDBETHATI’VEJUSTSTAYEDUPALLNIGHTANDAMTOTALLYEXHAUSTEDSOEVERYTINGLOOKSFUNNYANDMAKESMELAUGHHAHAHAHAHAH!SOB!

The next box was badly beaten, and with probable good reason: it came from www.flylady.net. Intense whinage has occurred here about this woman in the past and although I continue to moan and groan over her assignments and sink cleaning, I do most of them and they’re making a difference. Finally, after much vacillation I pressed my “widow’s mite” into her altar box of commerce so I, too, could receive the blessings I’ve read about in her deluge of emails (more on that later, too).

But the third box took my breath away. It was large-ish and oddly shaped—as though someone used a container too big for its intended purpose—the address label was white and unassuming. But I knew from whence it came and of what it was full.

“Scared Silly” had arrived.

I was weirdly reticent about opening the box…I’m not sure why…like I didn’t want to know that my thoughts had been reproduced in the manner of cloned sheep or counterfit money to be scrutinized by friends, foes, and experts alike. I opened it last. And tentatively. With almost shaking hands. There they were, two-dozen of ‘em in there, their eyes looking up at me over the brown box edges, their title trailing jauntily, yet earnestly, across the page.

I shut the lid and called my mom.

She wasn’t home so I called Kevin.

“Hey,” I said, doubtfully. “How’s it going?”

“Fine,” he replied. “What’s up?”

“Um…I got my books today.”

“How do they look?"

"There's a lot of stinkin' words in there, Kev."

"That's great! Can't wait to see them."

“Um…yeah. Now what do I do?”

That’s the thing. I should feel elation. Or at least a bit of triumph: It Is Finished. But it’s not, you see. I must now find ways to Get It Out There. I haven’t heard from my publicist so it feels like it’s up to me even though I gave the distribution of this thing to God weeks ago, today I take it back from Him because He isn’t moving any merchandise. Well, I guess He can’t officially because it’s not out until September 3, but that doesn’t matter. It feels like it’s All Up To Me and I Just Don’t Know What To Do.

How weird after trying to not be in the center of stuff for years, I now must try to strategically be in the center of stuff without looking like I’m trying to be at the center of stuff.

I guess I could wait on God, but what if…

Oh, never mind.

Needing Some Serious Natural Cheetos and Diet Coke Meds—Pronto! At: marcyjoybryan@gmail.com

It's almost borned!

Possible Thought of the Day: "A person who publishes a book willfully appears before the populace with his pants down. If it is a good book nothing can hurt him. If it is a bad book nothing can help him."

~Edna St. Vincent Millay

My publisher just emailed me...because that is what you do now...you don't call or write, you email any and all correspondence of a certain level of worthiness, the “of reasonable importance” level. Communication at this altitude can be serious on the positive or negative, but rarely terminal. In other words, you won’t find out (hopefully) in an electronic letter that your dad has died (although you might find out he’s cheesed off at you!) nor would it be announced that you won the Nobel Peace Prize (but Fred McMahon could proclaim “you may already be a winner!”).

So my publisher emailed me that she has seen The Book (“Scared Silly”) and that It. Looks. Good. With only one inking issue—that means there will not be the shading difference in some of the headings—which I’m sure they’ll fix when “Scared Silly” goes into it’s next printing. (lol)

If you haven’t seen it: Have a look. You can even Look! Inside! And Read! A! Sample!

I guess this makes me a Literary Parent. My DNA is about to leave the protective walls of the publisher and enter into the Cold, Harsh World for all to see and criticize. This isn’t flesh of my flesh cooed over like my daughter was—this is the embodiment of my thoughts in concrete, it’s an invitation—a pathway into my thoughts and emotions and processes.

What will happen? Will “they” like me? Will “they” tolerate me? Will “they” put me on the bargain table out on the sidewalk for people to fondle and move on?

Someone once said that “having kids is having a piece of your heart walk around outside of your body.” Something similar could be said about birthing a book, I’m sure.

About to Be a Proud Parent at: marcyjoybryan@gmail.com

I Have to READ It?

Good Quote of the Moment: “I just wrote a book, but don’t go out and buy it yet, because I don’t think it’s finished yet.” Lawrence Welk

Must read Scared Silly yet again. Lynn the Nice Lady Editor says it’s the absolutely last time I will have to do this so I must read it very carefully. But apparently not too carefully…because they really can’t change much now that it’s been laid out for printing. Go figure. Maybe I’ll read it with one eye shut.

As to this being the absolutely last time I will have to read Scared Silly…I have my doubts. I just re-read it a month ago for “flow,” and then a month before that during which I had to answer a bunch of “questions.” In case you’re wondering, when someone like Lynn the Nice Lady Editor has “questions,” it means she has areas of your manuscript that you’re totally sick of that are near and dear to your heart that needs “attention,” or that needs “clarification,” or that needs “fixing,” or that just “sucks” and needs “help.”

Side thought: You’d think that, with the amount of times I’ve read this thing, and being that I wrote it, some of the wisdom therein would sink into my thick skull and I’d be the Most! Adventurous! Person in the World! Ever!

Sigh…I guess I’ll have to read it again. With both eyes open, next time.

Needing serious caffeine at: marcyjoybryan@gmail.com

Open Letter to Any Friends Who Find This Site:

It's Memorial Day and I'm typing instead of BBQing...partly because I am a
bad BBQer, but partly because I'm fretting...

Last week I talked to Lynn, the Editing Diva at Standard Publishing who is working on “Scared Silly.” You may not remember—assuming you have a life—I wrote a book last year, which has taken nearly another year to finish and print.

As I type this, we (“we” meaning the Editing, Proofreading, Correcting, and Typesetting team at Standard…and me when 1) they need to get approval for all of their changes; 2) something needs footnoting; or 3) some section is deemed so hideous that I must rewrite it) are in the final stages of correcting, proofreading, more correcting, layout, more proofreading and correcting before sending to the printer. Target release date is September 1^st.

During the aforementioned conversation with Lynn, the Editing Diva at Standard I began to sense that, although Standard Publishing publishes a lot of books, they don’t really market them much. They mainly offer them in their catalog or on their website or sell them to Amazon.com or other regional/local booksellers…and that’s all.

So when it became apparent that I might have to be my own publicist, I immediately thought of you and your ability to pray. OK…That’s not completely true. My first panicky thought was how badly I suddenly had to go to the bathroom (typical in my struggle against Panic Disorder), then I thought about needing a Diet Coke (at least!), and THEN I thought about how badly I needed prayer, which brought me directly to you.

Here’s the deal: Being my own publicist is about as horrifying a thought as I can imagine for a multitude of reasons that I won’t bore you with—not the least of which I would have to PERSUADE PEOPLE TO LET ME TRAVEL TO PUBLIC PLACES—maybe even ON AN AIRPLANE, DO SOMETHING PUBLIC, possibly NOT NEAR A BATHROOM (like book signings or interviews) and GET PEOPLE TO LIKE ME.

However, I REALLY want “Scared Silly” to get into the hands of people who need it…which can’t be done if I don’t get it into the hands of people who can let other people know about it. (Boy, I could use a Diet Coke!)

In August Standard can provide me with an electronic photo of the cover and a sample chapter. Lynn the Editing Diva at Standard suggested I email it to people (or post it on their websites, if they let me), to taste test. This is one possible advertising ploy that wouldn’t require me flying OR showering. Which is good. But probably not good enough. Kev suggested I make a radio spot and see if we can get it on some Christian stations. So I now have two showerless ideas…but I can tell something bigger is needed. And that something includes you.

PLEASE PRAY that God will provide a network that can help make this book widely available. Pray that it can get into strategic hands like buyers at Wal-mart or Waldenbooks…or that radio host Delilah will read it, love it, and play the non-showered radio spot…or that Oprah would receive it and want to bring her crew to KY for a visit (OK…I’d go to Chicago for Oprah…).

You know me…Beyond asking for prayer and ideas…I pretty much suck at “pimping” myself. So there you go.

I understand that God gave me the assignment to write this book…so I believe he’ll help get it out to where ever he wants it to go…but I want to be faithful and adventuresome in the process as well. Even if it means traveling, speaking, and pitching myself.

Thanks for letting my panic before you. The good news: I’m not curled up in a fetal position…yet.

OK, now I really need another diet coke.

If you have any ideas, feel free to let me know. I appreciate them mucho.

More than anything thanks for your prayers. I really, really, really, REALLY need them.

And I probably need another diet coke, at least at: marcyjoybryan@gmail.com